wHat God GavE mE tOday ? |
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Tuesday, October 31, 2006 SmileSmile, though your heart is aching Smile, even though it's breaking When there are clouds in the sky You'll get by... If you smile With your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you just... Light up your face with gladness Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near That's the time you must keep on trying Smile, what's the use of crying You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you just... Smile, though your heart is aching Smile, even though it's breaking When there are clouds in the sky You'll get by... If you smile Through your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you just smile... That's the time you must keep on trying Smile, what's the use of crying You'll find that life is still worthwhile If you just smile
Monday, October 30, 2006 Wet HairToo bad Malaysia doesn't have four seasons. Otherwise, I guess I'd be enjoying it so much. I think I could sit here forever playing the same song over and over again. Right now, while I'm writing this, am listening to Summer Wind. Ouh yah, that was the song that Sharizan poked fun at me. Regardless. I still like the song, a lot. *** Waiting for my hair to dry, suddenly two thoughts came into my mind. First, MeiFern. Suddenly she texted me this morning. Couldn't reply her though. My phone died. So I called her instead. Well of course I missed listening to her funny laugh and her funny commonsense. Never Fails to make me laugh. I guess it was a good morning call. Cheered me up a lil. Also kept me thinking the whole day. But I was glad that she texted. Touched, the fact that I disappeared for so long, she began to wonder what happened to me. In her words,'I haven't seen you in ages!' Quite true for that fact. Then I replied Edith's e-mail. In a lot of ways, she's quite a random friend. Met her last year at one of my assignments and kept bumping into her eversince for several other assignments. I guess God made everyone to be one of a kind. She could be quiet at times and sometimes she could talk quite a lot. She is a nice person though. I remember her buying me a drink earlier this year when I went to interview her for my Final Year Project. She was so willing to help me. I was having a fever that day. I rememeber seeing her after I met up with him. She insisted that I drank 100 Plus. To reduce fever. Then she sent me to TV3 to interview another guy. From Bangsar to TV3 ! Yeah, I owe loads. I spoke to her today thru Gmail chat. First question she asked was, did I apply to theSun. My heart sank. I just hate it when people ask me if I'm there of if I applied to go there. As much as I want to go there, I have no idea how to get into there. I asked her,"What makes you think that they'd want to take me in..." Thinking to myself. *sighs* She said, "My dear, you will never know if you don't try.." Thing is with me, I'm too chicken to accept a 'NO'. I'm just too scared. Of I don't know what. I remember Tamarai asking, infact pestering me to write to the editors. So did Jamie and Sashi. I remember seeing loads more of other people, asking me to write back, In Jamie and Sashi's words,"Come and visit us lah." "Migrate migrate". That was bumping into them at InDesign 2006, Kuala Lumpur. Shy. Scared. Intimidated. Lost and Confused. Those are the few words that would describe me now. Finding out that Winnie is in The Edge, just doesn't makes things better. My childhood friend is in The Edge. She worked in USA for quite a while. *sighs* Where am I today? Feel like such a failure. I want something so much. Not even close to anything. :( As much as I try to forget, things just keep coming and coming, reminding me...I don't know for the better or for worse. I really just want to get a place anywhere...too bad I can't write chinese... *sighs* :(
Saturday, October 28, 2006 Summer WindThe summer wind, came blowin' in - from across the sea It lingered there, so warm and fair - to walk with me All summer long, we sang a song - and strolled on golden sand Two sweethearts, and the summer wind Like painted kites, those days and nights - went flyin' by The world was new, beneath a blue - umbrella sky Then softer than, a piper man - one day it called to you And I lost you, to the summer wind The autumn wind, and the winter wind - have come and gone And still the days, those lonely days - go on and on And guess who sighs his lullabies - through nights that never end My fickle friend, the summer wind *God only made one of him
Beautiful Wish I had more time to capture the rainbow !
My office, where it's located, had the best view ! *** Yesterday's sky was just so clear. But I was on the train... So I only had my phone with me... But the clear skies, simply magnificent.
So puffy like white cotton candy. Ah, wish you could see them too *smiles*
McD's Went for supper at Mcd's on first day of Raya. Hehe, guess what I saw?
So cute. The best was, one moment I saw the lil girl running around. Next, I saw her hanging on the cashier counter ! Swaying from left to right left to right. I think the dad was quite used to that sight :p She's so small, but quite amazing how she got herself to do that ! Like me climbing up the stairs and trying to jump down from the 6th step ! I survived :P
Friday, October 27, 2006 More Of ItSome went there for the ambience. Some went there for drinks. Some went there for chics? I went there for my passion. Music. Jazzing that night :
Something bout this picture I love so much. I guess it felt so real. Like you can almost feel how happy we both were. Smiling back at the camera. Contented. Thanks Joanne. *All shots taken by Ed and Me with the Canon 350D.
Thursday, October 26, 2006 From 103The magnificence of views from my office. Drew the curtains and morquito nettings and also windows to make way for me to snap a few moments of nature. After raining for a day (yesterday) I could finally see KLCC and KL Tower.
Look like I'm in penjara or something, heh. So hard to even stretch the camera out beyond the grills ! My back also aching man. My colleagues thinks that I'm mad playing with the camera like that. But they actually helped me draw the curtains ! haha ! Good thing the 350 didn't fly out the window ! My tiny moments of fun while the bosses are not around, otherwise Andrew will think I'm mad. Since in the morning I was trying to flush toilet ! Cacat toilet. Just didn't want to flush. I pressed the knob til my index finger hurts lar ! Walking around trying to figure out how to deal with the toilet bowl ! I paced thru and fro upstairs til Andrew asked what I was looking for. I just laughed. He laughed back and say something bout gilr stuff? Haha. Where got... Just looking for a solution to clena the toilet bowl otherwise the whole office will kill me. Finally, I went downstairs to use the pail to pour water into the bowl. Cacat toilet. Ah..my toilet story :p
Sunday, October 22, 2006 Buddy
Eh, go watch !
Someday Today, I tagged along to watch Sharizan Borhan at Alexis. Jon Thomas was playing too. It was as though something came to live? I just realised, that I read about in my copy of KLUE. Thinking why Sharizan looked so familiar? and the numbers he chose? LeiJin was just telling me bout him last week. I told my friend, I'm not going to talk to anyone.. Cos lately, I've been feeling so anti-social..which I really felt it..most of the time.. But me being me, I could never resist not to talk.. In the end I ended up talking the most.. I was half glad that I went, and half regretting when the songs that were sung sounded so nostalgic. Sharizan actually said, "Go home and tell this to your loved one , go home and sing it to them...'It Had To Be You'..." Nothing beats listening to great musicians taking over the night. It was almost like transforming the dead to live. Like almost listening to Micheal Buble and Frank Sinatra coming to live from a record player. I slumped in my seat. But suddenly Sharizan, in the midst of so many people, he came to our table. Shook my hand, asked my name and sat right in front of me. Yup, he sang to me. A bit embarassing in some ways. Didn't know where to look. But somehow, I felt a tinge of gladness. Despite the starnger, least someone knows, how I was feeling deep down inside. Everyone tonight probably would've died just to have that attention. (I smiled quietly to myself) Joanne was saying,"You must be damn happy lah!" I felt myself blushing. He sang, 'Fly Me To The Moon', 'Quando, Quando, Quando', 'Mr BoJangles', 'Someday', 'L.O.V.E.', 'Spiderman', 'It Had To Be You', some other unfamiliar numbers and wrapped the night with 'Spain'. Did he actually saw that I was thinking? *shruggs* Cos I was, staring in space most of the time.. but I guess, my facial expressions gave myself away..all written over my face, she's hurt, badly... I guess, he was just trying to cheer me, heh.. don't know if it really worked.. *sighs* I had Iced Cappucino with Vanilla Ice Cream. Shared a pizza with Joanne. Had a sip of her LongIslandTea. Explains why I'm still awake at this time. In the end I took over Ed's camera. Snapping away. Capturing tiny moments of laughters from the musicians. On the double-bass : Fly , the Sax : Ben , the Piano : Tokun and Drums : Jon Thomas.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006 Fast-EatingIts PuasaMonth and its almost ending. Today Nazri appeared out of no where when I was upstairs shifting nonsense, stole his raya card ran downstairs when later he followed downstairs and said, 'Wah, Raya is really coming man' I thought to myself...yah man... It felt like puasa was only yesterday the day it started on the 23rd. And we're already talking about who's gonna come in to work on Monday. Whether we're all going on leave or not? As for me, either ways, I still will end up feeling the same. Leave or no leave. Unpaid leave for me that is, and I think I'd rather have that so I can rest...I really need to sleep...seriously...for a day. Tho I wished I could see him instead. Huzai came in later in the day, then Khairy, then Talib. They would be what I'd say, my breaks in a day. As random as they can get, they never cease to make me laugh. Tomorrow we'll be shifting upstairs to a bigger room. However, looking at the amount of stuff we have, I don't think that room would fit anyway, heh. Khairy said,'Kat sini I rasa better la. Kat bawah, wahh, bila I masuk, rasa macam office AliBaba !' Which I wonder what in the world is office AliBaba?! It kept me and Elaine laughing for a while. Am still so aimless... Wish for something else. So much. Saw them at InDesign last week and it just made me feel worse than ever. I would never dare tell him what they told me. Shy. When would this horrible feeling leave me...when will I finally get what I really want to do... Hang how much I'm getting paid for. Truthfully, I don't really care... I just want to be happy with what I'm doing at the same time fulfill my passion. *** Today, I got a message replied. *I smiled quietly on the train* How I miss him, so much. *** wernjunneedstosleepsomeoneknockheroutsoshecansleep shebidshimgoodnightandsleeptightwithakissandhugg
Monday, October 16, 2006 EscapadeAll for my nice close friend whom is almost my childhood friend since we grew up together on an almost connected road I stepped foot onto LunaBar. For those who know me well enough they'd know that I don't like going to clubs or the likes... Occasionally only to Alexis, cos of the Jazz. Otherwise, stay away. And yeah, for friends too. Surprising him at Zouk and also accompanying weymin today to Luna. View was simply magnificent. Looked like a place that I would spend a lot of time thinking. The continuous breeze. If only the haze wasn't around. Yeah, Sunday nights, maybe that why it was quiet. I'd rather. Somehow, despite all that was going around, I paused for a moment. Just observing in silence. Carline was talking to Bong. Terence was talking to GuiImm and LeiJin. Huiwen was talking to I don't-know-what-his-name-is. While I thought in silence. So unlike me. Most people tonight would've gotten a 'she's so quiet' impression. Fact was, I spent the whole night thinking of him. In some weird ways, I wished he was there. He would've liked the place. Such a quiet place, I think he can have it all to himself. I sometimes wonder, why God put me in this place. Why did I have to meet him. As much as I wonder, he'd be one that I appreciate and love a lot. One that I cherish and would wish the best for. One that I would really keep close to my heart. One that I would put in my pocket and bring him along to everywhere I go (speaking from a cartoon point of view). That's how much I treasure him. Regardless, of what he is. -Missingyoudearstillasmuch
Sunday, October 15, 2006 thanksdearthotheIdidn'tpickupleastIknowyoucalledmeantthatIcouldcallyouback*huggs*
Saturday, October 14, 2006 Act-Thanks Anthon. Finally the yum cha came true. Its been so long since I last saw Anthon. I just felt weird today. Its Friday. Day I usually get to call him to just have a laugh... Though its only for five minutes, but I miss it as much. Anthon tried to make me laugh. Somehow, today's extra stone, and I just somehow feel down... I guess its that obvious that I'm unhappy. Well Anthon saw it, of all people. He used to go by the label 'BLUR'. I guess my acting skills are degrading... *sighs* I really miss him so much. Wish he knew... Wish he really did... When will I get to talk to the him I once knew again... How long will I be able to hold myself up...
Wednesday, October 11, 2006 Secret for DinnerSo the two fellas in front of me shifted to the new office at NorthPoint, Midvalley. That place is really something, but I think its gonna cause massive JAM ! BIG TIME. Surprisingly, those two came back to office that day, in the end we went for dinner. Landed in Secret Recipe.
Sunday, October 08, 2006 ...After almost begging for a week, I finally got a reply... Why did I ever end up like this... :( Why did I let someone influence me so much Why did I let go of my strong self Why did I let self-pity attack me again Why did I give in Why did I loved Why did I care Why did I regard him as something so close to me Passion for people For a loved one For one who's so dear to me To forget what they had Regardless of what it was What do you think she is? Only someone who's inhuman would be able to do so... Mencintaimu Seumur hidupku Selamanya Setia menanti Walau di hati saja Seluruh hidupku Selamanya Kau tetap milikku Hanya satu yang tak mungkin kembali Hanya satu yang tak pernah terjadi Sgalanya Teramat berarti di hatiku Selamanya Mencintaimu Seumur hidupku Selamanya Kau tetap milikku -Kris Dayanti *Random thoughts of a miserable being who was once lifted up but dropped so low she doesn't even know how to pick herself up she can't drink nor could she pick up any stimulant to help herself be happy again only he can make her happy only he can never found something or someone so precious so different so unique yet so hard to understand why did God send him into her life she would never be able to tell she sometimes rather not know him then to have to go through a suffering stage once again so afraid to have to go through it again but she's slowly going back into it trying so hard to avoid herself to fall back into her misery once again trying so hard to avoid him from leaving her but he's gone so far away almost disappearing never will she be able to find anyone as peculiar as special as unusual as him there will only be one of him cos God made human beings that way God gave His all into creating every single one differently carefully molded and crafted with the finest details providing no repetitions or similarity among every single one on earth that's why he's one in a million rare and difficult to find almost entinct while when that someone who wasn't she already got him but didn't appreciate him and when he's been found by someone else that someone else can't even get near to him long enough to help him pick himself up instead fall into anotehr pit so deep that she doesn't even know how to get out but for a friend for him she's willing to wait willing to take time to understand what would one still want to ask from someone like that he doesn't want her to talk about dying he doesn't want her to be over sensitive or over emotional but he was once like that to her but he doesn't realise it long was gone when she gave so much to someone not even herself he has already found a place in her heart he once said that if he fell for her he wouldn't ever let go but she can never understand why he has drifted away to such a far distance she could only miss and cry alone at night simply because she misses too much she can't tell him that she misses him cos he didn't let her tell him anymore she wishes to tell him she still cares and loves him so much but she could only tell that to herself cos he didn't let her tell him anymore but no matter where she walks she's bound to memories of him even random topics like blood donation she is suddenly reminded once again she wants to tell how beautiful the sky is she wants to tell him once again how round and bright the moon is she wants to tell him once again that threr is a rainbow but she can't anymore she wants to bring him along for lanttern walking she wants him to be with her even on the phone when she's stuck with no transport home she wants to sit in his car again she wants to just listen to him tell her stories she wants to imagine him hugging her to sleep even though he has never she wants someone to be around even on the phone when she's sick all she could only miss she wants to smile again she wants to see him smile again she really wants to simply because she loves him so dearly no matter what becomes of him*
We Gathered Its a must for all of us to gather together once or twice or sometimes trice a year. Yeah, school buddies ! Had a mini gather-everyone and had dinner at Ampang Waterfront's Korean BBQ. There we were getting smoked with the BBQ and steamboat. Everyone wanted to cook !
Me and Amy simply sat there eating like we both haven't eaten in years ! We both were also the ones that said, 'Actually I'm not very hungry lo..' We ended up eating the most ! As usual lar... And minum chinese tea...Growing old lo...But drinks tasted so bad ler...some weird honey dew and orange and corn mixed with milk respectively.. yuck man ! And the lantterns !
Another Day Passed without a word from him. Passed without a single reply. Passed with silence. He must think I'm mad. Or crazy. Sending text messages constantly to him without getting a reply from him at all... Its not that I'm crazy or out of my mind. But just worried... Never have I had a friend like him that I'd worry so much for. Knowing that he does so much stuff that may just simply shorten his life. If I'm not worried, I'm not human... This girl just doesn't give up does she? Reason? She really meant what she said when she said she wouldn't leave him. Promising a request he made. Just when she started to give him a little bit of trust, he turns into someone she doesn't even know anymore... He never used to go through one day without sending her a text message. But now... Its so unfair. Then again, who ever said live was fair... Why let one person turn two souls into the most miserable state of life...? And that one person is probably having the time of life...enjoying happiest moments while the he suffers indirectly causing me to suffer... I ask myself everyday... When she gave so much...when she trusted so much... She ends up having a broken hearter feeling... Some say she's mad. Some say she's out of her mind. Some say she should cut him out of her life? Well if only she didn't have a heart. Maybe she could have. Gosh... What does she see in him that caused her to be so loyal...yet hurting... She doesn't mind. She doesn't even mind waiting til he recovers from all he's going through...She doesn't mind his background.. And she doesn't mind all the shit he did. What else would one ask for from a person? I wonder once again... When he asked her not to leave him, she promised. How I wish it was the 23rd of February again...How I wished the 23rd didn't ever end...How I wish... He's probably fedup with reading her depressive messages... Probably doesn't even want to look her name anymore... But she still hopes that it'll only be temporary... Cause she believes that he's a good person... She never viewed him to be bad person. Even after all he's done, said and promised... She misses...deeply... :(
Saturday, October 07, 2006 FeelingLost Despair Sad Confused Devastated Terrible Horrible Dazed Negelcted Rejected Uncared of Not loved Miserable Tearful Energyless Tired No Appetite Weak Not well Worried Just simply wondering where he is... Why do people ditch me as and when they like to... I'm just a plain simple girl... Simply just want someone to bring her to the movies Eat popcorn together Watch the sun set Admire beautiful clouds Get in a jam together Listen to her whine Have lunch or dinner with her Even breakfast Accompany her home when the lrt breaks down Go random shopping with her Allows her to give him a tie as a gift Lets her call him as and when he is free to talk Continue to text him Go for a jog at the park Just 'lepak' I guess... Where did he go... I feel so miserable that I don't even want to wake up... Why...Why... ;( *** Today, someone complemented that I could speak bm very well... In his words,'You pandai cakap malay ah?' That person was wondering if I hung alot with Malays... Well, half my lifetime my bestfriend is a Malay.. she still is *faintsmile Been missing her so much... Wish I could call her out... Went to kebangsaan school for 11 years. Not to forget, only chinese on the hockey team in primary and secondary. Idzamil who taught me how to play tennis. Afifi who still says hi when he bumps into me. Surya who often drops me messages. Din the japanese mis. Julie who laughs like crazy everyday. Shaira the pretty skinny gurl. Hanis forever giggling. Meme @ Raimee who used to play hockey. Azim who stays nearby. Tajuddin the so shy guy. Ayin @ Shahridzin the hitam manis. My neighbour whom I only remember his name as Ain. And the list goes on... Sure la I can speak bm well... *** Why is he not tlaking to me, I don't know... When will he know...That I only want him to continue to be who he was... ;(
Thursday, October 05, 2006 CintaMenempuh jalan yang menjauh Tentukan arah yang ku mau tempatkan aku pada satu peristiwa yg membuat hati lara Didekat engkau aku tenang Sendu matamu penuh tanya Misteri hidup akan kan menghilang Dan bahagia dia akhir cerita Cinta tegarkan hatiku Tak mahu sesuatu merengut engkau Naluriku berkata Tak ingin terulang lagi Kehilangan cinta hati Bagai raga tak bernyawa Aku junjung petuamu Cintai dia yg mencintaiku Hati yg dulu berlayar Kini telah menepi Bukankan hidup kita akhirnya harus bahagia Didekat engkau aku tenang Sendu matamu penuh tanya Kris: Misteri hidup akan kan menghilang Dan bahagia dia akhir cerita Cinta biar saja ada Yg terjadi biar saja terjadi Bagaimanapun hidup hanya cerita Cerita tentang meninggal dan yang ditinggalkan Cinta... *** Bout a year ago, I went to watch this show, Tentang Dia with Stacia. Just randomly went... Without knowing what it was about. After finishing the show, which made me cry. Only way you can relate to a show is when you know it really happens.. The me back then, I didn't feel as much, cos I wasn't going through anything... Somehow, I stumbled into the song again. Crap. I'm feeling so pathetic now... Sometimes I wish I never knew him. At the same time I cherish every moment spent with him. Regardless of whether I see him or merely through sms. I'm really wondering.. What happened to him... All of a sudden he just became so cold.. Worse of all, why do I have to go through all these.. All I wanted was someone close to be by my side when I need someone to tell things to.. He was that. How I wish he is still that... :(
I Eat This is the amount of nonsense and random food I eat since my office is just opposite Lucky Garden, in front or behind of Telawi and also around the corner of MidValley !
You drooling? ;p
Tuesday, October 03, 2006 What Did I Do?Constantly asking myself this question everyday. Obviously not getting an answer out of my questions. I sometimes wonder how one can be so cruel. Its when they need you they're so nice to you. When they realise they don't need you anymore, and since the booze can help them better in whatever sense that makes, they ditch you like you've never existed. I sometimes wonder why I give in to all these. I care too much? Or maybe I trusted too much? Not that I trusted easily. Given a position that you're asked and convinced to trust, you would trust. What's friendship even, if you can't trust your own friend? What more a person you care for so much... I was frustrated myself, after spending so much time listening to him, he still didn't trust me. Like you get a bounce back. All your effort gets thrown back at you. Which I slowly understood why. I was once there. Now, I'm given silent treatment. Haven't heard from him for days. Sometimes I wonder, how one can transform into such a different being and treating me in such mean manner, like I deserved to treated so. I can never understand. Working, a decision I made to get myself off stuff. To try not to think so much. Sometimes I wonder if I came to the wrong place to seek for peace from all these. Imagine being reminded of him constantly everyday. In a week I'd pass by his office more often than when I wasn't working yet. Its like going to work there again. Passing by the same cafe, the same factories, passing by the same highway even. Keep reprinting that particular article with his face on it wrongly. Either I cut the paper by the wrong size or I fit the pages wrongly. Don't ask me why I'm having this fit. Here I am trying to avoid thinking of him so often, the more I'm exposed to stuff related to him. All I have to look at is the article with his face on it and also the few pictures I have of him. When I'm not happy I just go look at pass messages that he sent me... Yeah, that's why miserable my life is. Last night's gathering made me feel even worse... In result to that, I didn't eat... Food was good. But I could hardly taste the 'Ais Kacang'. The only joy I found was playing with the cute dog that was put in the kitchen cos there were Malays as guests... So many guys, so many. Felt like I was talking to him I spoke to them... Sadly, they will never be him. Today someone accidentally regarded me as 'dear'. Fugure of speech... Almost immedieately my mind travelled back to where it was a few months ago... I miss that time he asked me to call him cos he said he wanted to hear my voice. So sweet of him. Someone explain to me how he can become what he is today overnight? Cos I know no matter how much I ask, he'd never give me an answer... People like to make fun of me that I worked at theSun. They say, I'm the only one that can spell in the whole office. Not true lar... Experienced? I'm not even 10% of a successful rookie. I want to go back there so much. At the same time... I'm so tired... I wish he knew... Dear, I'm so tired... *** Father, I pray. Grant me strength. Grant me energy. Grant me peace. Stop me from crying... AMEN.
Sunday, October 01, 2006 Thears of the SunThe show, dated in year 2003. Wonder what I was doing back then didn't realise the show. Today just sitting down in suyi's house, with the fan spinning and her dog and cat accompanying me. Yea, she was sleeping. So I watched alone. Somehow, I relate well with these kind of shows. Make me want to be like the doctor of the soldiers who were sent to help those people in Africa. Maybe I should've gone for that mission trip that I was offered to go to few years back to Nepal. But that's that... Somehow, I never miss to watch all these kind of shows. Regardless of how poor the quality of the show may be.
Weird how I can feel for the show. Some may say, its just a show, but I guess, in many parts of the world, they are such of these happenings, poverty and fear, constantly running for survival. While we? Complain bout how tasteless food can be. Too hot. Too cold. Too salty. Guess what I suddenly want to be? War photographer. My inspiration, Bazuki Muhammad. Just randomly thinking... *** Going through this life, to me, is the most difficult task I've ever been given. I was almost happy til he appeared, I became more happy compared to before. Gave up trusting for so long. He convinced me to trust him. He convinced me to learn to depend on him. He convinced me that he'll never leave me. He convinced me he'll love me with all his heart. He convinced me that he'd always be there for me. Now, it's as though I've lost him to something. Something which I don't even know what it is. No matter how hard I try to figure, I never seem to get an answer. He refuses to tell. Til I get answers like, 'I'm lazy to talk la' He used to say he can't go thru one night without talking to me. Where has that him gone to. Never fouhgt never had any misunderstandings bad enough to lead to what it is today. All I ever did was to be the nicest to him. Always by his side. Always listening to him. Always understanding why he gets angry at times and why he doesn't reply my messages. Never even dared to raised my voice. Never even thought of scolding or yelling at him. To even get angry at him, I had to think 10 times. What justice am I doing myself? I don't know. Why am I getting such returns by just staying the way I am? Being so nice to him. It really breaks my heart. At the same time I cherish him so much. How I wish he knew... How i wish... My whole life, by being nice to people, in return I get hurt 10 times as much. Why do I have to go through all these...all I want him to do is to be the him he used to be. Not asking him to spend everday with me. Not asking the world. Just want him to share my ups and downs. Share my happy thoughts...share my tears...share my dinner share my lunch... I'm running out of energy... running out of emotions... Dear, really miss you so much. Missing every second of the day, when you used to text me ouh so often... Sometimes I wonder, if there is anymore of me in his life...Cos he'd just filled my life with so much of him.. What did I ever do to him or life for the matter, I deserve to be treated this way... :( No one will know what i'm rambling about except him. How I wish he knew...How I wish...
daB-daB
a mantle the sea yEsterdays & tomoRrows
March 2004 yak yak yak
ruFF-ruFF
dRop-by
her-aCoustics
jason marz part-time-dreAm
my life's events@jyun unwInd
Neopets I Eat
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Sharizan : Fly : Ben
Jon Thomas
