what God gave me today?

wHat God GavE mE tOday ?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Missing

Listening to acoustics of Tanya Chua.
Making me want to cry thinking of him.

This feeling in within, so messed up...stirring with confusion.
I really don't want to go on anymore...

Life's so full of uncertainties...
Still hurt, still angry, still frustrated and feeling neglected most of the time...

I really miss him so much. But I can't tell him.
I could only cry myself to sleep...

How I wish I could go back there...how I wish...
Not because of him, but because my passion lies there...

Why do I have go through all these? Why all these complexity? Why all these hurts?

Today he tried to make me laugh. But it didn't work.

I really wish sometimes we were still stuck somewhere in February. When I saw him at that event I only went because I wanted to cheer him a lil.
I can still remember the smile painted on his face the moment he noticed my presence.
Told him I wasn't going to go. But decided to give him a surprise.
I would never go if it wasn't for him.
Those who know me, they will know I would rather sit next to the dustbin than to step into those places.
But I went anyway.

Wanted to give him a surprise I said, but it was half spoiled by him.
Cos he called in the middle of the day to ask if I wanted to sit on the LRT with him to KLCC, where he needed to stop, while I made my way home..

I was actually rushing home to get ready for the night. Instead I had to wait for him at University.

Waited for long. Wondering how he would look like that day.
One thing. I was always badly dressed whenever I see him. He always looked good. Always.

He finally stepped out of the trains. Saw his sweet smile. His eyes almost disappearing. Waited for another train to make our way to KLCC.

Didn't say much on the train except him asking me,'You really not coming later?' Which he already got the answer the night before when he called from the office to ask if I was going to be there the next night. It was partly his event cos he was the coordinator.
'Nah, I'm tired, I want to go back and sleep...'
In my heart, 'You'll see tonight.'

I decided to get off at KLCC too, to hitch a ride from a friend.
Reached home, bathe, and zoomed out immediately.

Saw my friends at KLCC and walked to our destination.

I remember seeing him with his colleagues. Laughing. He noticed when I passed by. Like he almost couldn't believe it was me. Came over and said a few shy words.

I was asked at the entrance how old I was by one of the big shots. I said that I was 22? Before I could get a sight of my friends, one of the photoguys tapped me and said hi ! Weird that guy actually remembered me after almost a year !

The whole night was just weird. Out of the 6 of us, I accidentally got chopped with a VIP chop. Gave me access to where the staffs were instead of crowding with the public downstairs.

Which meant I could spent the whole night with him but, at a distant.
I still remember him asking me to eat, which I refused cos I wanted to wait for my friends. He asked a few times, almost scolded me for not eating.

The whole night was just plain listening to jumping hiphops. Catching up with old friends. How I missed them. They actualy screamed with joy when he brought me over to them. While I was at that, he passed almost every interval of 15 minutes. Asking,'Have you eaten?''You want to drink something?'
He even offered to walk me outside of that smoky place to buy food since food ran out.

How to drink...all they had were beer and wine. And with an empty stomach and gastric confusion? No way.

The night ended with a lil photo snapping. Which he agreed to my friend's crap to have a picture taken with me. Almost immediately his arms landed on my shoulder without warnnig. I was stunned. The alcohol probably caused him that. The shy being he is, would never have agreed to all those nonsense if he was still sober.
That moment : Priceless.

I wanted to give him a hug before leaving. But he left too early. I didn't even get to say goodbye...

I still remember text-ing him that night. He said he had fun. So did I. So did I.

How I wish that night would come again. Really missed all he was. So much.

siaosiao @ 1:30 AM

Comments:

Tanya Chua's song always make me cry.

# posted by

Anonymous : 11:16 AM

aye ! how in the world did you get here?? was just browsing my older posts, and saw a comment. hurm. can't really speak chinese, but can sorta guess what she's singing..
cheers ! great knowing you !

# posted by

siaosiao : 2:33 AM