wHat God GavE mE tOday ? |
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Friday, January 18, 2008 He Wished Me'Happy New Year, hope it'll be a better for you next year' That came in 10 minutes before the clock struck 12am, marking 2008. At that very moment, I had a sudden inspiration that things will be better. But how is it going to be a year better if everything keeps crumbling on me. Everyone keeps saying: Its a new year, don't sulk Its a new year, forgive Its a new year, forget about it Its a new year, you're supposed to be 'happy happy' But how am I suppose to even try to be happy when things just keep falling? I try to tell myself everyday, that tomorrow will be a better day. But the moment I open my eyes to my alarm clock, things only became worse. The friends that I use to hang out with, all of a sudden just decided to turn their backs on me. One day they're your best buddies, next month, they just stop calling you. My colleagues? They can't stop betraying me. Putting words in my mouth and spreading things that I didn't say to the world. My reputation? -10. I miss those 'Rachel' days like hell. I really miss them. I miss those 'him' days like hell. I really miss them too. Am I asking for too much? For a friend to just stand by my side to listen to me whenever I want to talk? I do so much to please them. When they need help, I'm always there. But why when I need help, I only have myself to rely on... I go through so much shit to get them out of shit. But when I'm in shit, who's there? I end up crying. Thinking, where the hell are all my 500 phone book contacts... I cherish everyone so much. But none of them seem to make me feel the same. I don't force people to movies, I don't force people for lunch and I don't even force people to listen... I only wish they would at least pay attention and acknowledge that I am still here... Right now, I'm stuck in some hell where people are not talking to me when I miss them the most. I have a cover story to finish, but I just can't stop feeling hurt. I wish I never asked that stupid question. If only we could pick up from that day. I'd be the happiest girl. I wonder if my tear glands would ever dry up... I don't want to cry myself to sleep anymore.. I don't want to.. I miss Rachel.. and I miss him so much more... I'm so tired...and sad...haven't felt so down in such a long long while... Please come back....Please don't leave me behind... I really want everyone to be normal again...
Comments:
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Well, maybe things will only get better if you start making the better of things. But my smart aleck comments aside, if ever you really need someone to talk, I ain't very far away. You're definitely not forgotten lady. ( = # posted by
 : 12:54 AM
I would want to believe that things will only be better if the people involved are responding.. what's the point of me taking all the moves and there isn't any responses...it gets very tiring some times...most of all it drains out all the energy.. emotionally and mentally..
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