what God gave me today?

wHat God GavE mE tOday ?

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Date 18 January 2007

18 days have passed into the new year.
I haven't even wished a single person, a very Happy New Year. Except watch night service that night, a little preoccupied, thoughts swaying, but managed to stay focused on the piano notes I had to correctly press so the church could sing in tune.

Uncle Russ was chairing that night. He always does it the best. Sinking every word into each heart that night, it always makes me stop and breathe and sometimes tear a little.

Wasn't really looking forward to this year. Nothing much to look forward to anyway. Same old days passing, same old job I'm at, same messy room that I have yet to thoroughly clean. The only thing that would be different would my age.

Shucks. A year older, but I wonder if I'm a tiny bit wiser. I really wonder.

It only sunk into me few days ago that it s 2007.
I remember talking on the phone while I was in Langkawi, thinking that it was still 2006, directing that person to a wrong archive where he could search for photos. So embarrassing.

2006. Was a meaningful year for. Don't know about you, but it definitely drew a lot of beautiful pictures and painted a lot of memories that I may never be able to erase. I suppose, good memories are meant for safe keeping. I treasure every one of it.

2006. Made me grew to be a stronger person. I feel like my patience increased.
I thought I'd never survive the year, but I made it. With glee. I smiled the most and cried the most. God was good to me, and still is, He let me smile more than ever, overwhelmingly allowed smiles to overshadow my sadness.

2006. I am glad and grateful that so many people came into my messed up life.
Never regretted knowing them, always cherishing them in my heart, keeping them as close as ever.

2006. It sort of flew pass me in a blink of an eye. Whoosh ! Gone. It felt like it was Christmas yesterday, I had to start preparing for Christmas Street Party again.
Except, I was braver this year. Managed a solo here and there, which I would never be able to pull off last year ! I thank God for that.

18 days have passed this year. I had a little progress. People whom haven't been talking to me are talking to me again. I smile to myself every night. Trust me if you were me, you'd smile too.

Time to knock it into my head that it's 2007 !
Time to stop dreaming.
Have to kick that butt. Keep it moving forward and not looking at the past, lamenting every second of it.

I cherish those who are still by my side, constantly cheering me on. Keeping my laughter continuous so I don't grow wrinkles faster than I am supposed to !
Thanks dear, I long to say. Thank you God, I say that everyday.

My aspirations to be a writer has not died off. Some people say, it will eventually die off when you reach a certain age. Which I refused to believe. Lets just see how far I can run, and how much I can stand. The criticisms I get from every walks of life. Sometimes, they make want to sleep forever. Sometimes, it drives me up the wall, making me stand up stronger, fight them off, proving to them, life's not all about forcing yourself to do something you don't like.

I may sound so darn stubborn, but I don't mind being stubborn for while. Commitments I do have, but it doesn't mean that I have to forgo everything else.

But I tell myself, I will survive. Even if I only a penny left to spend. I will pray for strength to survive.

Some random friend bumped into me one day last year, and said,"Where have your bloody confidence went?" Coming from a friend whom I hardly knew from school, that sounded rather scary.

My resolution : To find this confidence that I've lost. Never to *sigh* at situations no matter how much they suck. Find a way to solve them and not just sit there and cry.

Tell myself, I can. Stop saying dunno. Walk with my head up high and stooping so low that I can't see my feet anymore.

*She smiles to herself.

And I wish you all the same. Keep close to God. You will find the answer to your miseries. *hugs*

siaosiao @ 5:18 PM

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