what God gave me today?

wHat God GavE mE tOday ?

Monday, September 25, 2006

1242

Didn't want to go to church this weekend, but decided in the end to go cos the stomach felt a bit better.

Was glad I got the usual tease from him earlier in the day, tho he disappeared half way..
Some confession to make; I sent a wrong message to him. The message wasn't supposed ot be sent to him. Fingers and my dazed self caused me to press the wrong button. So happened that Eric's name was on the same position as his.

Too to retrieve the message. Sue Motorola for that.
In the end I tried to make a cover. But he didn't reply to it.
I wasn't saying anything bad about him, but only admiring and appreciating the fact that he was such a different being compared to the many I've known and grew up with.

He would deserve the 'One in a million' kind of person. Seriously.
And for he is, I appreciate him for what he is. And for that, I cherish him so much.
(If you ever bump into this, I'm sorry... it was too complicated for me to explain it through sms, that's why I panicked in the night. Called and you didn't pick up, which made me feel even worse. Sighs. I'm sorry.)

He used to be so patient and never gets angry at anything.

Suddenly, he seemed to scary almost unfriendly...
When I don't reply his messages in less than 10 minutes, he'd call.
Now, if I don't reply for a day he wouldn't even text to find out if I'm ouhkay.

He never gets angry so fast. I used to love the cheerful him.
Knowing that he was hiding something back then, but he managed to fool and cheer me anyway with his bubbly self.

And I'm glad in every way.

He said I was too emotional and too sensitive. Only towards him.
I could never tell if he was angry or whether he was sad inside.
He hides it so well. So well.

He would be the most unpredictable being I've ever met. That's why I worry so much for him. Don't what he's get into in the next minute or second.

My dear, I've never cried for someone in long long while. Wish you'd appreacite me more. Really wish you would.

Its always like this. When I trust someone so much, surely there will be some self pity and paranoia that's instilled together with me.
Its when you want to learn to depend on someone. And you were the one that said that I should learn to depend on you. And you were the one that say that if one day I felt that no one cares anymore, I could try you.
See? So that's when I come in, just giving guys a bit of space to boost their ego in a good way, to feel that the girl is not stronger than them, so they'd have a chance to take care of her instead of her taking care of him.

You think I'm really that helpless?? Yes. At times.
If you knew me long enough, you'd know, that I'm one of the most stubborn and strong willed and strong at heart person. Who needs no guys help to survive. Cos they've all proven me wrong.

But you didn't. Which is why I held on so tight. You proved to me that you different.

So many has left me, some has even left the world.
You think I enjoy living this life?
Think twice...

I appreciate you as much the million gazzilion stars above.
Like you once said to me.

What can I say, besides the fact that 'I miss you loads'. Yup, the you that I knew earlier this year. The you I knew early last year. Cause , you're so not you anymore... slowly changing into a monster that I fear so much...

If God gave me a wish, I would wish that you'd be happy again.

And my tears roll down every time I think of the unhappy you.

Til I see you again.

:(

siaosiao @ 12:48 AM

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