what God gave me today?

wHat God GavE mE tOday ?

Friday, September 29, 2006

Passing

Its almost a year since that strange text message came in.
Where am I today, I don't even know.

Trying so hard to figure out why all these are happening and why I have to constantly go through so much crap.

Knowing him is a blessing, but I don't know it what he is today is going to make me happy anymore...

Missing? I don't know if its something that I'd want to be feeling all the time.
So much energy. So much time. So much emotion.
And I get nothing out of it.

At the same time, I can't help it.
My greatest and most hardest thing to do, that is to trust people I gave such great effort into him.

Now he turns around and tell me otherwise.

Why don't I ever have a say in anything in this life I live?
People leave whenever they want to. They stop talking to me whenever they feel like their bored of me. They stop talking to me whenever they feel that they've found a new muse somewhere else.

Anyone ever asked me why or what? Not like they bothered.

He proved otherwise. But all of a sudden he decides to become like the rest.
Suddenly he becomes cold and insensitive. Suddenly he becomes scary. Not so caring anymore... its hurts a lot just to think of what he was before this.

And the feeling, sucks BIG time.

Lost him to something which I can't even describe.
Lost him to the past. Lost him to ...

All I ever wanted was someone to always be there for me. Always laugh together and just be there. Not asking for the world.

In return I get remarks saying that I'm too emotional and too sensitive.
I left those two negatives long time ago. Would you want a girl who is SO strong that you don't feel like a guy anymore when you're wih her?

I just don't understand. Really don't understand.

*sighs*

I miss those days when I look forward to reading your messages.
I miss those days when I look forward to coming home to spend time talking to nonsense.

How long more do I have to be like this?
Why you abandoned me? Why?

What did I ever do to deserve all these...
All I did was to offer kindness and comfort.. but in return I get hurt..

I just want you to continue to be my closest..
To be someone I could still depend on...
You asked me to learn to depend on you...
But its as if you've disappeared..

I look forward to everyday, like I used to, to talk to you.. to text you and get a 'the you I used to know' reply...
I hardly get anymore.. sometimes, you don't even respond..

Everday after work, I wish so much to see you...
Like you used to come see me after work few months back...

Passing by KL Sentral, Pasar Seni and even Dang Wangi...
Feels like you were there..somewhere...

Every Friday, I only want to talk to you...call you and either laugh or just talk plain nonsense.. even if you're talking drunk, I don't mind...

I remember telling you, the best moments were those moments of conversation when you're not as sober...
It was always good and comforting to hear you laugh...
I miss it so much...

All I can only ask why... cos only you can answer...
All I can only wish.
Wishing so much for things to be normal again.

Being silly?
Maybe.

I hate this life so much. Don't know what to look forward to everyday. Dreams almost shattered...still hoping for it to come through...all I could only hope...
Yeah, my dream to be a writer...when will it come... when...

Don't leave me behind...

:(

siaosiao @ 9:21 AM

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