what God gave me today?

wHat God GavE mE tOday ?

Monday, April 17, 2006

why

When I gave so much into something, I only get sadness out of it.
When I trusted so much, I only get answers that don't even sound convincing.

Dear,
Right now, I feel so shitty. Every minute of the day.
I cannot bear to think that you're throwing your life away like this.
I really missed what you were a few months back.
I really wish you'd be that you again.
I really wish you would be able to talk me to sleep.
I really wish you would be able to talk me to eat.
Again.

I hate to see you this way.
It kills me to see you this way.

Tomorrow I have a paper, and I don't know why you have to do this to me today.
You were always there to wipe my tears with your hugs and kisses.
But I hardly get any now.
You don't even seem to sound like you cared even if I am dead.

Why dear? Why?

I don't understand why I can't worry for you.
I don't understand why I can't even care for you.
I don't understand why I can't even tell you that I want to go through life's situations with you.
I don't understand why I can't know things that you don't want to tell me.

I have never given so much to care for someone. Never.
Instead of feeling guilty, shouldn't you feel happy and glad, that someone out there cares so much for you?
Shouldn't you let go of the past and look to what you have in fron of you now?

I really want to stop crying myself to sleep. I really want to.
I don't want you to feel guily that I'm crying for you, but to be touched instead, that someone out there really loves you. Both me and God.

If only you knew, if only you knew..how much I care for you. How much I love you dear..How much I wish you would be 'here' again. Like you've promised.

Father,
I don't know what to do with situations like these.
I'm so troubled but at the same time I have to study for my exam.

Help me Father, to put things aside. Just for the meantime.
Strengthen me Father, that I may have strength to go on and last thru to the whole of next week.

Father,
I want to pray too that you will be with him. Comfort him and help gain his life back again. I know you are merciful God and will not forsake him.

In Christ's name,
AMEN.

Sincerely,
wernjun

siaosiao @ 11:28 PM

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