what God gave me today?

wHat God GavE mE tOday ?

Thursday, April 27, 2006

To Understand

When someone comes along into your life
Mysteriously,Unknowingly,Surprisingly
Just simply, almost bumped into your life

It looked like it was a brand new world out there
Knowing that the world is not a great place at all
But still you gave it chance

Why when you took so long to finally make that step
Why when you finally let go of your tensed self
Why when you finally gave that someone a chance

You drop. You drop so low, almost a bottomless pit. A never ending drop.

And that someone.

Doesn't even know that you're dropping
Too lost in his or her misery

Suddenly just lost all hope
Suddenly just lost hope even, in you

What's worse?

Its not even your fault that the someone lost hope in you

Angry, you cannot tell
Sad, you cannot tell
Depressed, you cannot tell
Heart broken, you cannot tell
Frustrated, you cannot tell
Neglected, you cannot tell
Jealous, you cannot tell

Even when you miss that someone so much, you cannot tell

Why do you have to go through all thses when it was not even your choice to know this person? Why do you even have to try going through?

You did not ask for that person to enter into your life
You did not ask to know that person
You did not ask to even have any chance to utter a simple sentence to that person

The person just appeared. Overturned your life and seemed like he or she cared the world for you, seemed like you meant the world to them. Seemed like . . .

HOW could things just change to a total oppisite from what it was three weeks ago.?
HOW could someone just forget bout you just like that?
HOW could it be? HOW could it be?

If only he knew
If only he took time to know
If only he knew

If only the world was not filled with unpredictabilities.

You have a BIG heart - Stephanie always say that to me, even when she calls me from Australia
You got to let go gurl - Ezra once said
You got to stop caring so much - Keith once said

Just, wish people would appreciate me more
Just, wish people could give me more chances to be myself
Just, wish people could let me be who I want to be
Just, wish people would stop making me wear a mask
Just, wish people would let me be who I am
Just, wish people would accept me as what I am

So many more wishes, but non ever comes thru.
Maybe with Stephanie and Keith and Ezra my wishes come thru, the only reason why, they are like me.
Stephanie is in Australia. Keith will be going there soon. Ezra is in New Zealand.

I am so tired. So very tired. Tired to brink I only have energy to let out a sigh.
I hate sighing, I hate it.
I always tell people not to sigh.
Cannot believe that I am doing something that I am asking other's not to.

Maybe I should just down that Absolut Vanilla in my room.
Maybe I should just hop over to Amy's house and down her Malibu.
Smells like coconuts, but I like it so much.
Maybe I should just hop over to May's house and down that Absolut Raspberry. Smells like cough mixture, but what the heck.
Nah, when I wake up, everything is still the same. Nothing changes til the real problem really is solved.

Maybe I should apply to go to Shanghai or Africa for a mission trip.
Maybe I should fly over to Istanbul.
Maybe I should fly over to some lost city somewhere.

How long more do I have to endure this life?

siaosiao @ 1:20 PM

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